3 to be free!

1. get out of debt
2. get out of clutter
3. get healthy

hmm. a new program I just gave it a name. lol

How much people suck!

So I try to do something nice and it backfires. I used to be such a nice person and thought I could be that way again and then, another reason to be sinicle and untrusting of everyone. It started with me offering to help out a needy family. She has boys, asked for anything. So I made up a list and sent it to her and she picked out some things. We emailed all evening back and forth exchanging stories. Then today, I email her to ask a question and nothing, no response. I guess she didn't need my stuff after all. All day today, I have offered to help families in need and then I find that none of my free stuff is worth it or they don't want it or they want to sell it for profit. What a shame! None of these people are needy - they are greedy. Want something for nothing but only if it is new, expensive and profitable. What a joke. I was hussled, but briefly. I did not lose anything in this deal, just some more self esteem and more of my helpful heart.

Oh and today I rescued a cat. He was cool for about 5 hours. My other cats can't like him and neither can I. He has to go back to the place we got him. It is not worth it. I am bummed. My heart is broken. I will now regain focus and put it where it belongs.. myself and my family. That is it.

Up Down All Around!

So I guess I am going through a depression of sorts. I feel worthless and helpless and my self esteem is really low right now. I am sure it is the holidays and missing my family and not being able to find a job. Today has been a roller coaster. Mad, sad, excited, disappointed, drained. I yelled at my husband for the dumbest things. More because I cannot yell at myself for being so stupid and lazy. I looked for something and I found that I can help a needy family. It briefly gave me satisfaction for knowing that I can bring happiness to someone else. I really need to work on that when it comes to my loved ones and myself. But, hopefully this needy person will appreciate what we are doing for her and her kids and be able to help someone else someday. We can only hope.

I wish I belonged somewhere. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Just so emotional today.

It didn't suck, just not great.

Woke up with a headache. Didn't get the job. Feeling a little defeated today. Ultra sensitive. Drained.

Need motivation.

Tomorrow has to be better.

Debt- don't need you like you need me

Why is it that when you try to do the right thing, no one notices? But when you get in a bad way, you get help? Or when you try to not get in a bad way, no one cares to help? What is it with this system that allows us to be crap our way through life but does not try to prevent the crap in the first place. Could be why the country is in the position it is currently in. Cause instead of helping the little guy, they help the big one. Does this make sense to anyone? I want to get out of debt, but I do not want to go into further debt to do it. This stupid system of helping the big bad company and screw the little person is old and useless. Wake up people! I will play the game, but I don't have too. Remember that! I could just not pay my debt and do what I want. so there! It takes very little to get a lot, so give me a break for once and I will grow bigger and better than ever and I will be fine without you. or is that what you are afraid of?