Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Holiday is Death

What can I say? I am a fool.

I used to love the holidays. Now, I dread them. They make me sad and I miss my family. I miss being a kid. I miss the excitement and the laughter that came with Christmas. Oh and the stuff! Now the stuff doesn't seem so great and there is no excitement. My first Christmas without my son. How am I going to get through this? No one understands.. no one. I am grieving. Let me grieve. I thought I would wake up this morning and be relieved that I was past yesterday, I am not ready yet. Yesterday was a really bad day. I am just not ready to be OK. I am NOT OK.

I'll pull it together, I'll be OK eventually. Just not yet. I'll smile my way through the holidays, but I am not OK. When I am done, you will know, then I will be OK. We will be OK.

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