The wind of change.

I will be moving soon. Scared. Want it to all be perfect. It will not be perfect. I need to let go of perfect. I need change. I want to embrace change. scared. really scared. I have been so unhappy here, change was inevitable. I am acclimated to the unhappiness here. I need to be happy. I need to start living. I need this change. scared. I love my husband. This move will embrace that. I will be happy and he will see that. He will be happy. This change is good. Scared.

Fail and fail again...

My head tells me I am stupid. A lot! I want to be good at something. I am not. I keep thinking that I am ok. I am not sure. One minute I am up and happy and then I am fighting my head again. You know the one that tells me I am stupid. A lot! I don't want to fail again. I am tired of failing. I need a nap. I will keep trying. But I need a nap now. Rest is good. The energy will come back. I will keep trying. I cannot fail again.

Light

Seeing the light...small steps... It is all going to work out. It has to!

Stupid Stupid Stupid

I officially hate everything have right now! My FIL is an asshole, my teachers are wackjobs, my peers at school drive me crazy with their stupidity, my mother is dying and doesn't care. I have had it! What is going on here? It is like one minute everything was great and working fantastic and then there was a shift or something because everything sucks right now. I am so angry about this house and my FIL and his dumb ass baby behavior. I really really wish I could just walk away from it all. I am so done with this nightmare. And honestly, If I had not promised my husband that I would stick it out no matter what, I would so be on the way out of here in a second. Just empty the account and leave! But, with that said, I digress. I must stick it out, because I love my husband and if we cannot be a team in all the decisions, what is the point. But I am ANGRY!!!!!! I really need some good vibes my way, because honestly, I am about to say some nasty things to FIL the next time I see him.

So honey - if I am not being friendly for the next few days, know that I love you and we will get past this. But understand that I am PISSED OFF at the moment and need to vent A LOT!

Cannot argue with a moron!

if you are going to argue your point, atleast be educated about it! I take a class with a girl who is VERY opinionated, but cannot even speak proper English. My point - she says things like "you be more smarter". Really?! You just sound dumb saying that. I can argue with the best of people when it comes to MY opinion about things, but when arguing right and wrong, that is something that one must be educated on. This class is just going to drive me crazy - good and bad!! The teacher singles me out so I am either the teacher's pet or the class know it all. Great - I get that title...again. But, I don't really care what the others in the class think of me, as long as I feel good about me and the teacher likes me, then well... I am good. =) But this girl needs to get a clue!

I might be a little stressed about school?!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is school so hard for me? I guess if I really want a good education, I have to actually learn something. DAMN! I love learning new things, it is just all the work that goes into it. Do we really need all the papers, really?!? I wish I could be ok with just passing, but no, I have to be all good at what I do and stuff. Stupid stupid. If I were really smart I would just pass, get the degree and move on, but I want to be good at it, so I stress. DAMN DAMN DAMN.

Ok.. better now. whew!

FWD: Please

Why do people think that when you do business with them you are suddenly friends? Or if you are related by blood that it automatically qualifies you for any email forward? I have experienced both recently. First by my asshole aunt D who would send me shit that she thought I would enjoy. I did not and told her so. She will pray for me. LOL Now, since starting freecycle, a woman has decided that she will start forwarding me things. I did not ask for this, I do not want to be friends with her, I may not even agree with her way of doing things in life, so why does she think it is OK to do this? Can I not just be nice to someone without it coming with all these complications? NOPE I guess not. Why do I even bother? On that note, I know a guy married to a person I at one point was really good friends with and he is an idiot who thinks it is fun to torture me with his nonsense. Again, WHY DO I BOTHER? I cannot unfriend him, but I really am tired of his idiocy. What to do? I guess like junk mail, I will just ignore it from now on. DELETE. gone.